Oh, Canada - Triad Conservative

I am going to share a long column by Kurt Schlichter :

It’s Always Cute When Canada Thinks It Matters…

August 27, 2026

Just what the hell are the Canadians thinking? Do they think that if they cry enough, America’s going to roll over? We’re now in another trade war with them, and the Canadians are whining, and the Democrats — who never side with America — are whining right along with them. It’s about time to be done with the country that is touted as America’s best buddy but is actually tied for its most annoying next-door neighbor. They cry that America is being mean because it’s looking out for its own interests. How dare America expect Canada to pull its weight on its own defense? How dare America not want to perpetuate unfair and unbalanced tariff and trade rules in perpetuity? And how dare America not recognize the moral superiority of a country that, if it were a stereotype, would be a fugly, sexually dysfunctional wine woman with a “Hate Has No Home Here” sign on the front lawn of the condo it shares with five cats, all named after characters in “Twilight.”

Americans don’t think much of Canada — literally. We didn’t have to, because for a long time Canadians were just pleasant, sturdy, and trustworthy neighbors who were different from us but shared enough in common that we managed to share the longest demilitarized border in the world. Canadians don’t want to be Americans, and that’s OK. It’s silly, because everybody should want to be Americans, but it’s all right. We didn’t take offense. We’d have to be thinking about them to take offense, and we weren’t. It’s nice to have a neighbor you don’t really have to think about, except when you need to borrow sugar.

But when we did think about them, they used to be kind of amusing. Now they’re actively annoying. And their obsessive loathing of the United States has morphed from a vaguely tiresome affectation into something genuinely grating. They are ripping us off on defense and trade, they are failing to back us up around the world, and they have become a petty dictatorship. They are still funny, but the Ralph Wiggum of nations is longer ha-ha funny.

They thought about us a lot, and you can’t really blame them. We’re economically successful, stubbornly free, and masculine — all the things that Canada either never was or no longer is. Canada has been taken over by the faculty-lounge left. It’s less a country than a giant, freezing college campus where the government will literally destroy your life if you do something like point out obvious truths about how a man is not a woman or that there was a giant scam involving allegedly dead Indian children — oh wait, we’re supposed to call them “First Peoples.” Of course, they have enshrined collective guilt over taming their vast lands as their national ideology. They despise us, but they also despise themselves. We have a glorious Constitution, and they have an endless land acknowledgment.

The Canadians harken back to their European roots in other ways too, such as a hatred of free speech and dissent. After all, they were never man enough to throw out the Brits or the French, and now they have fully embraced the same kind of supine and feminine national identity that focuses on crushing actual Canadians and importing the entire Third World to replace them. And like the Europeans, they won’t ever shut up about their free healthcare, bragging about it endlessly to us and complaining endlessly to each other about having to wait six months for a blood transfusion. Pro tip: When you’re in one of their clinics, if you can ever get in, just remember to keep smiling and appearing happy; otherwise, they’re going to recommend you for medical termination.

One of Donald Trump’s great qualities is that he refuses to obey the dictates of America’s foreign-policy elite consensus. That consensus was to let the Canadians keep drafting off us on defense, trade, and the Chinese communist infiltration that has corrupted their entire government. We’re supposed to ignore all that because Canadians are nice, but Trump’s not nice. Trump actually cares about America’s national interest, and it’s not in our interest to carry Canada’s rucksack any longer or to open our markets to it. At the same time, it closes its doors to ours and allows our great enemy a foothold on the frozen tundra above us. That’s why he has been hard on Canada, and that’s why Canada is whining like a little girl.

Canada has not been marching beside us, its allegedly closest ally, for a long time. It’s been half-stepping. Now, the argument you hear back is that Canada came to our aid after 9/11 and lost 158 soldiers in Afghanistan, so we should shut up and take whatever they give us, or not give us, as the case may be. Baloney. No one minimizes or belittles the death of those heroes. Their forces were studs, and you can’t say that about all the Allied forces by a long shot. Every American who’s worked with Canadians, including yours truly, respected them as tough and dauntless warriors. You talk bad about the Canadians who served with Americans overseas, and an American soldier will deck you.

But what happened yesterday doesn’t give a free pass for what needs to happen today. The last Canadian killed in Afghanistan died 15 years ago, when they pulled out of combat operations. That’s a decade and a half. That’s a long time. We appreciate that they came, but let’s be real. That was their obligation as a NATO ally when we, a NATO ally, were attacked. They didn’t do us a favor; they did their duty under the treaty. Moreover, those semi-human Islamist scumbags murdered 24 Canadian citizens — they were avenging their own as well as ours.

They deliberately chose to stop having a military and let us do it for them. Today, Canada has no real army, no real navy, and no real air force. The once-mighty Canadian military is now a micro-military more focused on DEI than making the enemy DOA. It shamelessly lets the United States defend North America, Europe, and the rest of the world alone. It has no capacity to project power. It’s not in the Red Sea, it’s not in the Persian Gulf, it’s not anywhere helping us do the heavy lifting of keeping the world free. And that’s just the way Canada wants it, because it doesn’t want to spend the money and it doesn’t want to dirty its soft, girlish hands helping big, mean America. Moreover, its communist Chinese masters love having a disarmed and vulnerable pseudo-ally right next to the CCP’s main adversary. Canada has long failed to pay its share of NATO, and Trump isn’t going to tolerate that. No American should tolerate that. But the Democrats do, because if Trump wants it, they have to oppose it, even if it means opposing America.

Democrats call that a “win-win.”

Canada’s military free-riding is only surpassed by its fake free-trade free-riding. Not only do they restrict American imports to their own advantage, but they demand America open its markets to them. Worse, they allow Chinese commodities and products in and let them be transshipped into the United States to circumvent tariffs on China. Again, Trump doesn’t understand the idea that we are somehow morally obligated to allow lesser nations to take advantage of us. This is a right and proper attitude, but because it’s Trump, it has to be bad. That’s one reason Democrats are so eager to take the side of a foreign country screwing over the United States on trade. The other reason is Democrats despise America.

And let’s face it: Canada isn’t anything like a real democracy. It holds no moral high ground. It persecutes people for speaking. It murders those it deems a burden on society. It embraces every disgusting aspect of DEI, including having a justice system that treats different races differently. You can be destroyed for saying things in Canada — financially and maybe even placed in prison. You are also unable to enjoy the God-given right to keep and bear arms; the government keeps a monopoly on lethal force, meaning it keeps a monopoly on power, and those who should be citizens are merely subjects. It’s frankly disgusting, and a country like that is unworthy of our friendship.

But of course, nations don’t have friends. They have interests. And it’s in America’s interest to redefine our relationship with Canada.

Now, this is not to say that all Canadians are bad people. Many Canadians are great people. And many Canadians are disgusted by what’s happened to their once-proud nation. We should support them in their struggle to regain their freedom and their dignity. The Albertans seem to be on the verge of seceding; we should support that, but they don’t need to be part of the United States. They should be their own thing. And if they want to be our buddies, we need mutual respect, equal trade arrangements, and they need to do their share for the common defense. If their whole country did those things, we wouldn’t be having a problem.

Trump should keep the pressure on Canada. Canada needs to do its share for our mutual defense. It’s going to have to spend more money and put more people in uniform. That’s just the way it is. And it’s not going to have the benefit of the postwar era’s uneven trade-deal regime that it has been relying on for decades. America has a right to equal trade treatment, and it’s going to use its economic power to enforce it no matter how many high-pitched screams issue from our garbage foreign-policy establishment and the foreigners whose gravy train has been derailed. Finally, America is a nation based on respecting the rights God gave every human being; if you want to be a close ally, you’ve got to respect those too, and throwing people in jail for observing that someone with a penis is not a woman disqualifies your country as a friend.

So, Canada, we’re right here ready to be close allies again when you get your act together. But you need to get your act together first. There’s some real talk for ya, eh?

4 thoughts on “Oh, Canada”

J. Sobran says:

August 30, 2026 at 3:42 pm

How hard is reciprocal free trade? It is what a country committed to freedom should do. What right has the government to tell me I can’t trade with someone because they are Canadian?

Instead, the Trump administration has proceeded to be economically fascist. It is at economic war with the whole world, even free-trading Switzerland. Economic war leads to “kinetic”–I hate that trendy adjective–war. That’s how FDR got Japan to attack the US.

I had more faith in Navarro previously.

1. triadconservative_5yodkx says:
  
  August 30, 2026 at 6:18 pm
  
  I think Navarro’s point, J. Sobran, is that Canada would never agree to reciprocal free trade. They insist upon advantages.
  
Fred Gregory says:

August 30, 2026 at 3:54 pm

I am going to share a long column by Kurt Schlichter :

It’s Always Cute When Canada Thinks It Matters…

August 27, 2026

Just what the hell are the Canadians thinking? Do they think that if they cry enough, America’s going to roll over? We’re now in another trade war with them, and the Canadians are whining, and the Democrats — who never side with America — are whining right along with them. It’s about time to be done with the country that is touted as America’s best buddy but is actually tied for its most annoying next-door neighbor. They cry that America is being mean because it’s looking out for its own interests. How dare America expect Canada to pull its weight on its own defense? How dare America not want to perpetuate unfair and unbalanced tariff and trade rules in perpetuity? And how dare America not recognize the moral superiority of a country that, if it were a stereotype, would be a fugly, sexually dysfunctional wine woman with a “Hate Has No Home Here” sign on the front lawn of the condo it shares with five cats, all named after characters in “Twilight.”

Americans don’t think much of Canada — literally. We didn’t have to, because for a long time Canadians were just pleasant, sturdy, and trustworthy neighbors who were different from us but shared enough in common that we managed to share the longest demilitarized border in the world. Canadians don’t want to be Americans, and that’s OK. It’s silly, because everybody should want to be Americans, but it’s all right. We didn’t take offense. We’d have to be thinking about them to take offense, and we weren’t. It’s nice to have a neighbor you don’t really have to think about, except when you need to borrow sugar.

But when we did think about them, they used to be kind of amusing. Now they’re actively annoying. And their obsessive loathing of the United States has morphed from a vaguely tiresome affectation into something genuinely grating. They are ripping us off on defense and trade, they are failing to back us up around the world, and they have become a petty dictatorship. They are still funny, but the Ralph Wiggum of nations is longer ha-ha funny.

They thought about us a lot, and you can’t really blame them. We’re economically successful, stubbornly free, and masculine — all the things that Canada either never was or no longer is. Canada has been taken over by the faculty-lounge left. It’s less a country than a giant, freezing college campus where the government will literally destroy your life if you do something like point out obvious truths about how a man is not a woman or that there was a giant scam involving allegedly dead Indian children — oh wait, we’re supposed to call them “First Peoples.” Of course, they have enshrined collective guilt over taming their vast lands as their national ideology. They despise us, but they also despise themselves. We have a glorious Constitution, and they have an endless land acknowledgment.

The Canadians harken back to their European roots in other ways too, such as a hatred of free speech and dissent. After all, they were never man enough to throw out the Brits or the French, and now they have fully embraced the same kind of supine and feminine national identity that focuses on crushing actual Canadians and importing the entire Third World to replace them. And like the Europeans, they won’t ever shut up about their free healthcare, bragging about it endlessly to us and complaining endlessly to each other about having to wait six months for a blood transfusion. Pro tip: When you’re in one of their clinics, if you can ever get in, just remember to keep smiling and appearing happy; otherwise, they’re going to recommend you for medical termination.

One of Donald Trump’s great qualities is that he refuses to obey the dictates of America’s foreign-policy elite consensus. That consensus was to let the Canadians keep drafting off us on defense, trade, and the Chinese communist infiltration that has corrupted their entire government. We’re supposed to ignore all that because Canadians are nice, but Trump’s not nice. Trump actually cares about America’s national interest, and it’s not in our interest to carry Canada’s rucksack any longer or to open our markets to it. At the same time, it closes its doors to ours and allows our great enemy a foothold on the frozen tundra above us. That’s why he has been hard on Canada, and that’s why Canada is whining like a little girl.

Canada has not been marching beside us, its allegedly closest ally, for a long time. It’s been half-stepping. Now, the argument you hear back is that Canada came to our aid after 9/11 and lost 158 soldiers in Afghanistan, so we should shut up and take whatever they give us, or not give us, as the case may be. Baloney. No one minimizes or belittles the death of those heroes. Their forces were studs, and you can’t say that about all the Allied forces by a long shot. Every American who’s worked with Canadians, including yours truly, respected them as tough and dauntless warriors. You talk bad about the Canadians who served with Americans overseas, and an American soldier will deck you.

But what happened yesterday doesn’t give a free pass for what needs to happen today. The last Canadian killed in Afghanistan died 15 years ago, when they pulled out of combat operations. That’s a decade and a half. That’s a long time. We appreciate that they came, but let’s be real. That was their obligation as a NATO ally when we, a NATO ally, were attacked. They didn’t do us a favor; they did their duty under the treaty. Moreover, those semi-human Islamist scumbags murdered 24 Canadian citizens — they were avenging their own as well as ours.

They deliberately chose to stop having a military and let us do it for them. Today, Canada has no real army, no real navy, and no real air force. The once-mighty Canadian military is now a micro-military more focused on DEI than making the enemy DOA. It shamelessly lets the United States defend North America, Europe, and the rest of the world alone. It has no capacity to project power. It’s not in the Red Sea, it’s not in the Persian Gulf, it’s not anywhere helping us do the heavy lifting of keeping the world free. And that’s just the way Canada wants it, because it doesn’t want to spend the money and it doesn’t want to dirty its soft, girlish hands helping big, mean America. Moreover, its communist Chinese masters love having a disarmed and vulnerable pseudo-ally right next to the CCP’s main adversary. Canada has long failed to pay its share of NATO, and Trump isn’t going to tolerate that. No American should tolerate that. But the Democrats do, because if Trump wants it, they have to oppose it, even if it means opposing America.

Democrats call that a “win-win.”

Canada’s military free-riding is only surpassed by its fake free-trade free-riding. Not only do they restrict American imports to their own advantage, but they demand America open its markets to them. Worse, they allow Chinese commodities and products in and let them be transshipped into the United States to circumvent tariffs on China. Again, Trump doesn’t understand the idea that we are somehow morally obligated to allow lesser nations to take advantage of us. This is a right and proper attitude, but because it’s Trump, it has to be bad. That’s one reason Democrats are so eager to take the side of a foreign country screwing over the United States on trade. The other reason is Democrats despise America.

And let’s face it: Canada isn’t anything like a real democracy. It holds no moral high ground. It persecutes people for speaking. It murders those it deems a burden on society. It embraces every disgusting aspect of DEI, including having a justice system that treats different races differently. You can be destroyed for saying things in Canada — financially and maybe even placed in prison. You are also unable to enjoy the God-given right to keep and bear arms; the government keeps a monopoly on lethal force, meaning it keeps a monopoly on power, and those who should be citizens are merely subjects. It’s frankly disgusting, and a country like that is unworthy of our friendship.

But of course, nations don’t have friends. They have interests. And it’s in America’s interest to redefine our relationship with Canada.

Now, this is not to say that all Canadians are bad people. Many Canadians are great people. And many Canadians are disgusted by what’s happened to their once-proud nation. We should support them in their struggle to regain their freedom and their dignity. The Albertans seem to be on the verge of seceding; we should support that, but they don’t need to be part of the United States. They should be their own thing. And if they want to be our buddies, we need mutual respect, equal trade arrangements, and they need to do their share for the common defense. If their whole country did those things, we wouldn’t be having a problem.

Trump should keep the pressure on Canada. Canada needs to do its share for our mutual defense. It’s going to have to spend more money and put more people in uniform. That’s just the way it is. And it’s not going to have the benefit of the postwar era’s uneven trade-deal regime that it has been relying on for decades. America has a right to equal trade treatment, and it’s going to use its economic power to enforce it no matter how many high-pitched screams issue from our garbage foreign-policy establishment and the foreigners whose gravy train has been derailed. Finally, America is a nation based on respecting the rights God gave every human being; if you want to be a close ally, you’ve got to respect those too, and throwing people in jail for observing that someone with a penis is not a woman disqualifies your country as a friend.

So, Canada, we’re right here ready to be close allies again when you get your act together. But you need to get your act together first. There’s some real talk for ya, eh?

1. triadconservative_5yodkx says:
  
  August 30, 2026 at 6:16 pm
  
  Great column, Fred.
  
  I think there is considerable regional variation within Canada. The French-speaking regions are a political burden. But the socialists always carry the day. Its conservative party is analogous to the Tories in Britain and the Republicans in the US. They don’t do much conserving.

4 thoughts on “Oh, Canada”

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